the first scare

It's exactly 1:30 A.M right now. I remember the exact same time, exactly a month ago. I was laying in the bed in the waiting room, in the third floor with so much of irrelevant thoughts, while I could feel my mother in the ICU in the first floor. It was the first time ever in my life, I was that scared. I was not scared that I am going to lose my mother forever. No,  I had no freaking idea about that, i never imagined or thought that but still my heart was beating faster than ever before, I could feel my heart as the heaviest thing that exist in the world that time. My mind was blank. It was not that I didn't saw my mother, I saw her exactly an hour ago when she was taken out from the ICU to the checkup, in the bed full of sline and oxygen bottle. She was surrounded by nurses and doctors, she was moving, not like she used to do, it was different this time. She was trying to escape, she was trying so hard to escape, don't know from what or from whom. She was acting like a little kid of few months, there was oxygen mask over her nose which she was trying to through out. She was moving her legs very swiftly, same were her hands. She never did that ever before. She was trying to scream , she was trying to escape, don't know from what. I felt like there was someone else other than all of us who was trying to take her away. But she was struggling so hard , fighting with that someone, maybe. I remember the last time I screamed ,"Mommy" She couldn't speak as she was unconscious but she was moving her hands and legs even more rapidly after I screamed, I smiled maybe because, I knew she heard me, she couldn't speak but how she showed that with her actions, those were the eternal happiness during that time. My hope was higher, doctor also said," she is out of danger", I was happy . I remember the last moment I saw her alive, she was in bed laying with the pale face and moving hands and legs. Only if I had known it would be my last time I could ever see her, I would stay there till the end. Little did I knew she was struggling for her last breath. As doctor said, "she is out of danger" I went to the ward and layed in the couch. However, I could feel the heaviness in my heart, I felt like I am not fine or something strange is going to happen, my mind was wandering like never before. I saw my father's face right beside me. I never saw him like that ever before. The lightening I could see everyday in his face was not there. Since the day I was born or day I can remember,  I never saw my father like that. He was completely different. I never experienced him that way ever before. It was the longest night I ever lived (until that day) . I was so afraid. I am never used to with being afraid, not even with my parents, but that day was totally different, i was afraid i didn't knew why. That was the first night ever in my life in the hospital waiting for a patient. I thought that was the reason why I was afraid. I remember my brother and the last words he said before that day "My birthday is within weeks, Mother will be fine, within my birthday, right ? " And how easily I promised him that she will be fine. Never had I ever before let my brother's wish let go. I had always been there and fulfilled everything he wished . Who knew, I would ever fail to fulfill my little brother's wish , that also mother in his birthday. I was praying, I never prayed like that ever before. It was the first time I prayed with all my heart and soul and with so much of emotion . Little did I know I would never see her again. It's 2 A.M. right now, I remember that my thoughts were rather increased . I remembered the doctor saying she will be alright. I was also hoping for the positive but I was scared. It was the first time I was scared, not even during watching horror movies I was scared like that. Not even when I had the scariest dreams. Not even when I was waiting for my SLC results. That scare was different. Who knew, she was going to leave us within certain hours.